Wish You Were Here
I've been trying to reach my friend Mike to find out where his birthday party is tonight. He called me back from Miami, where he's at a celebrity volleyball tournament where the celebrities are all models. I'm not even sure he's sure how he ended up there.

Turns out his birthday party is next Saturday. No word on whether he'll be bringing any of the models back for the party.

Manufacturing crisis... solved!
This is from today's New York Times. It's the Bush Administration's answer to solving the manufacturing crisis... and your kid brother is part of the solution! Here it is:

"Is cooking a hamburger patty and inserting the meat, lettuce and ketchup inside a bun a manufacturing job, like assembling automobiles?

That question is posed in the new Economic Report of the President, a thick annual compendium of observations and statistics on the health of the United States economy.

The latest edition, sent to Congress last week, questions whether fast-food restaurants should continue to be counted as part of the service sector or should be reclassified as manufacturers. No answers were offered."

The rest of the article questions whether the Administration will try to move these fast food jobs into the manufacturing sector, thus (on paper) stemming the loss of manufacturing jobs.

This is up there with the Ronald Reagan "Ketchup is a vegetable..." argument. I've never heard of anyone in manufacturing asking, "Wanna supersize that?" but this is the new world order, I suppose. Hey, beats the hell out of having an actual plan to create manufacturing jobs, right?

Gay discrimination is OK
The right is obviously opposed to gay marriage, but apparently the Administration also thinks it's OK to discriminate against someone in the workplace because of their sexual orientation.

This is from today's Washington Post:

"A newly arrived Republican appointee has pulled references to sexual orientation discrimination off an agency Internet site where government employees can learn about their rights in the workplace.

The Web pages at the Office of Special Counsel, an independent agency whose mission is to protect whistleblowers and other federal employees from retribution, has removed references to sexual orientation from a discrimination complaint form, training slides, a brochure titled "Your Rights as a Federal Employee" and other documents."

If you're Republican, it must feel awesome to be on the side that hates gay people. If you're a Republican, repeat after me -- "I hate gay people."

Don't you feel better now?

Human Toboggan
I have a bruise on my leg the size of a pancake. Here's how it happened: I had my son in my arms on Saturday morning and the phone rang. I rushed to get it and slipped on the top step, then bounced all the way down on my hip until I hit the bottom. Thankfully, my son was OK, but since he was in my arms, I had nothing to break my fall except for my hip.

I used it to great effect over the weekend when I didn't get my way. ("I can't have cookies for dinner? But I fell down the stairs!") It felt better yesterday but hurts like hell now that I've been walking around all day.

Yeah, I'm milking it for sympathy. Wouldn't you?

Special interests?
The Bush campaign is starting to attack John Kerry as being in the pocket of the special interests. Here are a couple interesting facts from the Washington Post:

1) Pres. Bush has raised 4 times as much from special interests than John Kerry in this campaign. That's FOUR times as much.

2) Who says you can't buy the policy of your choice? During the 2000 contest, electric utility lobbyists gave an unprecedented amount to Bush/Cheney and it paid off big time. One lobbyist -- Thomas Kuhn -- met at least 14 times with Cheney's energy task force. And they weren't talking about duck hunting, either.

3) Of Mr. Bush's pioneers -- those who raised $100,000 or more in the 2000 campaign -- 21 snagged ambassadorships. I didn't know they were for sale.

One of the many made-up scandals in the Clinton administration was the Jefferson bedroom-for--sale tale. In the Bush administration, everything is for sale. Everything. And I'm sure all those policies are the best thing for everyday Americans.

To my Republican friends who are parents, please explain to me why you think drinking water and air that is more polluted is better for your kids? Or do you just not care?

Timeline problems
I got this off www.talkingpointsmemo.com, one of my favorite sites. So much for the Bush eyewitness.

"Yesterday, though, there was a new development when one of the president's fellow Guardsmen, John B. Calhoun, came forward to say that he clearly remembered him showing up for his required drills in Alabama through the summer and fall of 1972.

"We didn't have the planes that he could fly," Calhoun told the Associated Press. "But he studied his manuals, he read flying safety regulations, accident reports -- things pilots do quite often when they are not getting ready to fly or if they don't have other duties."

Interestingly, though, as the Houston Chronicle notes this morning, the documents released Friday night show "Bush's transfer to the Alabama squadron wasn't approved until September 1972, months after Bush's presence as recalled by Calhoun."

Oops."

Oops, indeed.

Damn Yankees, Part 2560
Being a Red Sox fan is like getting hit below the belt on a regular basis but always coming back for more. I heard the radio reports this afternoon that the Yanks were closing in on landing Alex Rodriguez, just a couple months after Boston flopped in their attempt to land him.

At first I was crushed, then I thought: if we're going to win, let's do it against the biggest payroll of all time. I'm going to spring training in three weeks and I can't wait for the season to start. If Schilling, Martiniez and Lowe stay healthy, we win it.

Did you expect any less from a Sox fan?

Duck the Press
I was going to copy and paste this from www.talkingpointsmemo.com but it's too long. It's a transcript of White House spokesman Scott McLellan's press conference today. Visit the site and read it for yourself. As a public relations person, I love reading this stuff.

It looks like the good puppy dog press has finally turned on Bush. By the way, the "Helen" in the transcripts is the unstoppable Helen Thomas.

Hold up
I guess before everyone soils themselves about the Kerry infidelity allegations, we should all take a step back. Remember, the report was on Drudge, who Karl Rove uses regulalry as his tool to distract the public when the President is going through a rough patch. And make no mistake: things are looking a little rough for GW right now.

That is, until we find Osama. My guess is it'll happen in the summer, just in time for the Republican National Convention. Then, we'll get to see President Bush near the site of the World Trade Tower gloating about how he captured or killed Bin Laden.

Also, let's not get too worked up about the photo of Kerry "with" Jane Fonda. Have you seen this photo? Kerry's sitting like 10 rows behind her. From the reports, you'd think he was making out with her on a burning American flag.

Some stuff
* My son is now standing up, albeit with the assistance of whatever is within reach. This has created a new challenge. Instead of crying himself to sleep while lying down in his crib, he stands up, clutching the bars like a mini-felon, and cries. Last night, he had his eyes closed, like he was sleeping, while he stood in his crib and cried. Standing up, dead asleep? The only time that happens to me is when I hear Dick Cheney talk. Dick, you rule the free world, speak up!

* I saw on the Drudge Report that there will be some Kerry infidelity allegations coming out soon. Does anyone doubt that this will be the ugliest campaign ever? Let's do it all: Kerry's girlfriends, Botox, surgery, and money grubbing vs. Bush's AWOL status, cocaine use, insider trading allegations. Wonder why noone's voting? The only thing I'm bummed about is that Jerry Springer declined to run for the Senate seat in Ohio. Given the celebrity culture in politics and the mud wrestling tone of things, he'd be perfect.

* I wish I had one of those little webcam things so you could see the bags under my eyes. Take the mouse you use for your computer and hold it under your eye. That is what one of these bags look like.