About face and other crap
It's no secret that I'm a supporter of General Wesley Clark, Democratic candidate for President. I even met him about a month ago in Dover, New Hampshire. (See www.clarkri.com for a picture.) What kills me is the willingness of mainstream media outlets (I'm not talking about Fox here, folks...) to spread the propaganda being put out there. General Hugh Shelton told a crowd that he wouldn't vote for Clark, saying he lacked the honor or integrity to be President, but wouldn't say why he felt that way. Gee, General, that's so honorable to impugn someone's character and then not have the balls to say why. How much was that check from Karl Rove for anyway? Maybe Shelton was pissed because he wasn't paid by CNN to be a military analyst and instead had to stay home and play with his toy tanks and soldiers like John Laroquette in the movie "Stripes". Kaboom! This week's Time magazine has something about Clark being on videotape in January 2002 praising the Administration's efforts in Afghanistan. Holy controversy! Even Ghandi would have supported the attack on the Taliban, but because Clark said such things publicly, he is questioned. Man, this Administration hates the idea of a real American hero who actually has thoughts of his own. Your choice for President: cheerleader or real leader. Not too tough, huh

Esquire magazine's big fake out
I bought the recent issue of Esquire magazine for the plane ride to New Orleans. There was some good stuff in it, but there was this article about an heiress who was supposedly on the run and her father was trying to kill her and she had bodyguards and she was posting to a blog to update people on her status. The author tried to do this whole intrigue thing that he was going to meet her, etc. Honestly, I think he made up the whole thing. Not joking. I used to work as a reporter and you get a weird feeling when someone writes something that isn't true. I think he pulled the whole thing out of his ass. Paging Jayson Blair! Paging Jayson Blair!

Eating like Rush (pre-pill popping Rush, that is.)
Ok, I've been eating like an unchained pig lately. Yesterday I had pizza for lunch, pizza for dinner (it was a different pizza, not leftovers) and then my mother-in-law made calzones, Pepperoni! Cheese! Dough! That is what my ass is made of.

Heroes and villains of the week
Hero: Randi Rhodes.
She's a Florida-based radio host who kicks conservative ass. Her show blows Rush out of the water in the ratings and word is the pill-poppin', thrice married, Howard Cosell wannabe prevented Clear Channel from syndicating her show. Check her out at www.therandirhodesshow.com.

Villain: Bill O'Reilly
The famous Fox crybaby threw a snitfit on NPR's show "Fresh Air" when host Terry Gross dared to ask him some tough questions. You've got to listen to the interview to realize what a wuss big, bad Bill is. If he can't cut off someone's mike, he runs like a scared rabbitt when challenged. Sort of like his idol GW Bush.

Hero: Sonny Chiba
No, I haven't seen "Kill Bill" yet, but I have a bunch of Sonny Chiba movies on DVD. If you've never seen "The Streetfighter", you've missed some of the best ass-kicking ever filmed. The best thing about Chiba is the way he pauses in the middle of fighting to make this really disturbing noise like he's about to hock up a loogie. Get the DVD that includes the trailers for the movie, where the narrator intones: "You beat a man they call you tough. You beat an army, they call you "Streetfighter".

Villain: Dennis Miller
Miller gets my vote for most washed-up SNL cast member who once was funny. How can anyone beat out Chevy Chase you ask? At least Chase hasn't turned into a right-wing whore like Miller. Dennis was Rush before Rush -- he tried to make it as a football announcer, but came across as too high brow for football fans and too low brow for anyone with an education above a GED. Memo to Den: if you were that desperate to be on television, you probably could have done an infomercial for mattresses or Viagra. Either way, you would have had more dignity than you do now picking the toe cheese out of the feet of cement head Sean Hannity. (Just to get off the subject for a minute, have you seen the commercials for mattresses with Lindsay Wagner (The Bionic Woman) acting as spokesperson? Is she being held at gunpoint during this commercial? She looks alternately frightened and mortified. I know being a mattress salesperson isn't like doing Shakespeare, but since you're an actor, try this: act like you're happy!)

Fox News proves left-wing Hollywood conspiracy...again!
I happened by Fox News tonight and saw a highly incriminating story that again proved the old left-wing Hollywood conspiracy theory. The pinheads at Fox put the spin that Hollywood should be doing more movies about the success of the war in Iraq .. and the only reason there were no movies of this ilk is because H-wood is run by a bunch of pinkos who hate America. When interviewed, actual Hollywood directors said they didn't make more movies about the war because they couldn't find anyone who could play GW Bush convincingly since the original cast of the show "Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp" had all passed away. I guess Fox missed the "DC 9-11" movie that was written by Karl Rove, aired on Showtime, and was panned as the biggest piece of propaganda since Goebbels was in full swing. Instead of portraying GW as a scared rabbit who flew around the country hiding under his seat on Air Force One, they portrayed him as John Wayne, but with a much smaller head. Just to show they were serious, the Fox goosesteppers interviewed evil weasel movie reviewer Michael Medved, one of those moral types who was completely apoplectic during the Clinton years. Like all the other hypocrites who went nuts on Bubba, Medved will probably be proven to be a philandering pill-popper with controlling interests in gold mines worked by slaves.

Pedro Martinez talks smack... in Spanish!
Forget game seven. For me, the big showdown wasn't between Pedro and Clemens; it was between Pedro and Zimmer. Despite being outweighed by 125 pounds, Pedro laid a smackdown on the rotund Zim, grabbing him by the LBJ used to grab those beagles. Juvenile? Yes. But Sox fans don't have much to cheer about so I'm celebrating the fact that Petey whaled on a man who was born in 1931. Lip readers from Univision have translated what Pedro said to Zimmer as he approached. His words were "Step off, old man!" Next thing he knew, Zimmer was one with the turf.