Heroes and villains of the week
Hero: Randi Rhodes.
She's a Florida-based radio host who kicks conservative ass. Her show blows Rush out of the water in the ratings and word is the pill-poppin', thrice married, Howard Cosell wannabe prevented Clear Channel from syndicating her show. Check her out at www.therandirhodesshow.com.

Villain: Bill O'Reilly
The famous Fox crybaby threw a snitfit on NPR's show "Fresh Air" when host Terry Gross dared to ask him some tough questions. You've got to listen to the interview to realize what a wuss big, bad Bill is. If he can't cut off someone's mike, he runs like a scared rabbitt when challenged. Sort of like his idol GW Bush.

Hero: Sonny Chiba
No, I haven't seen "Kill Bill" yet, but I have a bunch of Sonny Chiba movies on DVD. If you've never seen "The Streetfighter", you've missed some of the best ass-kicking ever filmed. The best thing about Chiba is the way he pauses in the middle of fighting to make this really disturbing noise like he's about to hock up a loogie. Get the DVD that includes the trailers for the movie, where the narrator intones: "You beat a man they call you tough. You beat an army, they call you "Streetfighter".

Villain: Dennis Miller
Miller gets my vote for most washed-up SNL cast member who once was funny. How can anyone beat out Chevy Chase you ask? At least Chase hasn't turned into a right-wing whore like Miller. Dennis was Rush before Rush -- he tried to make it as a football announcer, but came across as too high brow for football fans and too low brow for anyone with an education above a GED. Memo to Den: if you were that desperate to be on television, you probably could have done an infomercial for mattresses or Viagra. Either way, you would have had more dignity than you do now picking the toe cheese out of the feet of cement head Sean Hannity. (Just to get off the subject for a minute, have you seen the commercials for mattresses with Lindsay Wagner (The Bionic Woman) acting as spokesperson? Is she being held at gunpoint during this commercial? She looks alternately frightened and mortified. I know being a mattress salesperson isn't like doing Shakespeare, but since you're an actor, try this: act like you're happy!)