The Onion rocks
This story comes from www.theonion.com. I'm sure the person who doesn't think Jon Stewart is funny won't think this is funny either, but The Onion does rock.

Bathroom Too Disgusting To Shit In
AUSTIN, TX--The men's bathroom at area rock club Emo's was declared too repulsive for the emptying of concertgoer Max Risdy's bowels Saturday night. "The floor was covered with water, there was toilet paper and garbage everywhere, and it smelled disgusting," Risdy said, wincing at the memory Monday. "It was really not the kind of place you want to leave a big pile of digested food matter after squeezing it through your rectum from the depths of your bowels." Risdy added that the area near the music venue's stage was too loud and crowded.